24A08-26A08

Wow, I really woke up. It’s different from any other motivational workshop. It’s a wow.

24A08, I went to the venue half-heartedly. Mainly because I already have a vague idea how shitty it was going to be like. Like a motivational workshop who would just tell you, “You are special, and you shouldn’t give up when things don’t work out. Because you are given a special ability to fight it. So you must be strong.”. Well, WHATEVER. Don’t think I paid $200 for these kind of though where i can Google it and find millions on the internet.

But this was different. I was amazed how much effort was put into planning this, how true all these were, and not copy and paste from the internet and then spill it off like a machine. It was real true stories that differs from one coach to another. It was a true life memories and experiences they were talking about. It was as if we were watching a movie, and get touched by it. It’s an overwhelming feeling that it’s hard to understand because it’s simply too real to be true.

Learning from experiences, is like one of the best way to learn to me. By learning through other people’s regret, we would know how to escape regret, but just filled with pride. Coach Elgin totally inspired me that, everything is possible. And it all, Starts with the mind.

Then, mindset comes straight in. If you do not have the will to do it, you wouldn’t even be able to finish a mere 2.4km without stopping. I asked huishan the other day, how come mid-ds are able to finish such a long race with a constant pace, not stopping. She pointed to her head and said, “Because they had the will to do it. They want to do it, although it’s painful, they still want to finish it.” Isn’t so true? Without a will, there will be no way.

We were told to write down my dream. As usual, the same came up to my mind. “A zoologist specialising in big cats”. However, i thought it was impossible all the time as the course is almost $30k and the only way i can reach it is through a scholarship. Sometimes, i would think to myself and review this dream. Is this realistic? There are so many people fighting for the same scholarship (Singapore is small, but not as small as you think) and my scores are nearing 30. I don’t think i will get even a 1% chance. But this line keeps repeating in my head, (Quote Elgin) “My L1R5 was 38 in the prelims, and i woke up. But i found out that i had only 6 weeks to cram in 2 years worth of studies. So i started to break it down and start revision. I studied really hard, and in the end, I scored very well. …… I went from 38 in prelims, to 13 in the o levels.” I though, if he can do it, why cant I. Even he’s a smart idiot, he had six weeks, pulled himself from f9 to b3. Kudos to him. But soon, kudos to me, cos I’m going to buck up and study for this dream i held since i was a little kid.

26A08. It felt weird, cos i don’t sense a feeling of reluctance to leave. Maybe it’s because, I’ve learnt how to look forward and i found my direction. I’m ready to leave and fly not towards freedom, but to my goal. It was never about finishing school early anymore. It’s about striving to make the next time easier and powerful. First punch in a match is important. It gives you a headstart, knocks out your enemy, and give you the advantage to get ready faster to strike the second blow.

People on the internet. These coaches came to give us a little shake or a nudge. It was never motivation, but a push to make you wake up, and big push down the cliff to make you fly. They are there to support us. But once we’re done with conquering this fear of O levels, they are gone. (Quote Nanny McFee) “When you need me i’ll come, When you want me i’ll go.” Real motivation is from your heart, your own will, supported by these coaches. The legs and brain are yours. People can assist you, but race is meant to be ran alone.

So people, start gettin’ motivated now and train for you NAPHA. 4C, Aim for 16mins and below :D

xoxo (what the fuck does xoxo mean),

YEEYIN♥

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Evolution.

TO me, i think the Evolution of man is this:

hahaha, lol, i think it’s quite hilarious ( and quite true). hahahahaha…

or maybe, we were made like this:

A Monkey, since we look like them no matter what.

And a dolphin, since scientist seem to keep saying that our brain is similar to that of the dolphin ( or the dolphin’s brain is something like ours)

And the end product = to *drumroll*

TADAHH!

BLEH ! (which was already used since albert eistien’s time, so stop thinking it’s an ahlian pose ok! it’s HIS!

okok, back to the topic.

To say the truth, i believe in evolution because, it seems very true to me. like, monkeys, us, how much similarities we have. and also linking to the dolphins, the dolphins’ fins are actually formed to paddle up and down, while fishes are made to go side to side. and look at our legs. when we swim, doesn’t it feel so much like marine mammals too? look at the seals, they look like they have legs right? (Check fur seal).

and maybe, let’s not just talking about mammals.

The circulatory system, different yet the same. Systems in every single organism. (Shit, i forgot what i wanna say). And also the basic instinct of survival. Maternal instincts, wanting to be a leader. If you were to claim that each organism is made differently, do explain the so called co-incidence or *fated* things .

Prehistoric humans (are they called this? oh ya, stone age hor. -_-). you mean, they just disappeared like that and then we come in to this world out of nowhere? i dont think so. maybe because natural selection or evolution takes thousands of years to be able to see the difference, maybe cos it’s going through very slowly that we hardly notice it.

*random stuffs. ey, why do 1950s people look so different from 1990s people. (Note the curly hair and and skinny bodies). Isit the work of evolution? hmmm. HAHAHAHAHA*

According to my butt (with intelligence according to your brain, and my brain is too powderful to be workin’ on this now), i think, nothing in this world i actually proven. life is all about open ended qns and answers, (besides maths.)

And perhaps, i wanted to study zoology, cos i think humans do not deserve my respect. ( EY STOP EATING SHARKS FIN, CROC MEAT, WEAR FUR, TAKE BEAR BILE. it is USELESS. just trust te western medicine la please).

so yea, i do think evolution took place and is still takin’ place. or maybe cos i’m a freethinker.

Maybe.

*All are allowed to comment freely, just dont talk about any other thing except this topic. If not it shall go to the tab “Hate mails”. Also, this is not a time for you to preach religious stuffs here. i don’t want to start a religious riot.*

sometimes, even the sky cries.

I am not emo. No, seriously, I’m not. (is red emo? i hope not. d:)

Life has its ups and downs, lefts and rights. People do lament when they have taken the wrong turn, but the only survivors will walk back, while the rest decides to cheat themselves and carry on with the wrong route and hoping it will link back to the right on, but instead faced a route to no where.

Well, yes, I admit, I do get abit emotional. Afterall, i did get bullied all 4 years through (mentally counts ok. Wanna try being call a lesbian or a transexual or ghay in Sec 1 and it follows you through even up till now? -_- i’m straight ok, although my name thinks i’m waiwai. But hey, (-) x (-) = (+) ok. my name is kewl).

But it never stays. Even if it does, it serves as a remind of what i went through to become stronger.

“When you wake up in the morning, CONGRATULATIONS, you’ve got another chance!”

Isn’t true? People can die in their sleep (Well, i think that’s a really cruel thing, being unable to say goodbye).

I’m disappointed with myself when i talk about this. (Personal reflection). How i wake up in the morning, and not wanting to go school, not wanting to talk to my mom cos she banged in to wake me up. How i sit in front of the computer blogging, facebooking, and talking on the msn, and day dreaming about diving, and not do my maths homework and make Miss Quek angry over and over again. Chances are hard to come by, yet I don’t cherish it. I’m seriously a big ol’ (wait, young) fool. Sheesh (look Bryan! I stole your word!).

Ok, back to the topic. So, sometimes the sky cries. It’s ok to be down. But all you’ve got to do (is to look on the brighter side of life and everything will be fine~ it’s the song from sassy neighbour) is to cry, clear the clouds, and shine like the sun again.

Anyway, I’m quite sure that I did not appear to have good, smooth going life. I came, to appreciate this gift, and live life the way it should be.

Experiencing pain & hardship, Experiencing 喜怒哀乐, Experience being rejected, Experience being laughed at for reading DROUGHT as DRAWGHT. Experience crying and laughing. Experience being all emo and hyper.

Newton says, what goes up, must come down.

SO who cares?! Since happiness seemed to throw up by some faggass, it will come down.

I am not emo, and this motion must stand. xD

Life is a JOURNEY

yea, so this is my impromptu speech topic, but haha, i didn’t have time to finish it so yea, i’m just gonna express my views in this post. hope this wont bore you.

life is a journey, that might take around 70-80 years to finish. so it’s quite a long journey, and your attitude will decide how you will pass by this time and how you finish it.

although in life, you are bound to encounter disappointing, irritating, angry, happy, sad, (whatever), incidents, if we are able to be optimistic about it, actually this journey is not that bad.

i live by this :

“When i turn 80 (if i’m ever going to live till that age), I’m going to think back and say, I had a wonderful life, and not think back and say, i should have done this.”

Regretting is never a choice, as everyone wants to move forward in a journey, and never move back. At at the end of your journey, you want to know that all the hard times are worth it, and you did not do it merely just to reach the finishing line.

As you go for a nature walk, you would rather be enjoying the scenery than not give all your attention to the centipedes and the mushy whosy mud and rotten leaves and maybe, a dead animal ( xD ). And then at the end of the walk, you heard your friends say “EH I SAW MONKEY! (ohkay, maybe that was me).” And then you’ll be sulking down there cos you just wasted your two and half hours going through some dirty tracks that brings you nothing but fatigue and sweat.

Moral of the story, don’t complain about life. Don’t say life is bad or whatever. Just go fucking scold the person that is making hell for you la! But, I still complain (thus the title, complain queen, when i was a little kid) but at least, i did try doing something. I mean, when you walk, and then your shoelaces are loose, you dont complain to your mom and say, whoah lau, the shoelace loose leh! And then you start cursing the shoelace. You have to somehow bend down and tie it back dude! (And that was why i got molested two years back, don’t ask.) Do something about life.

*In case you think I’m contradicting myself with the “scold the person” and “scold the shoelace”, there’s a difference between a living thing and a non living thing, so yea*

So, Sec 4’s o8 taking o levels this year! All the best and may you enjoy the journey (cos it’s ending soon) !!!

♥YEEYIN

FROM ANIMAL SHOWCASE

Quote:

“They rather shoot the hippos than to make hippo proof

fences. (But that’s cruel) Well, they are humans. That’s

why i prefer animals to humans. God must have made a

mistake for making humans.”

I SERIOUSLY SUCK AT MATH.

BUT I’M STILL NOT GOING TO DO MY HOMEWORK.

SO FUCK OFF.♥

breakdown

my legs, chained up and growing heavier day by day. it’s harder to get it over the pink gate every morning. this drag that’s keeping me away from that dreadful place. my head filled with images of stares glares, whatever. my face grew hotter every minute when i step into the place full of people. 35 of them. i simply cant take the weight anymore.

it’s all empty. the talks, forever, best friends, secrets. they are told, yet told to another, maybe changin’ a sentence or two to spice it all up. it hurts, the spices burns my lungs, i cant inhale, cant exhale. air is stuck in between me and the outside world. i want to cough it all out, yet it hurts.

i choked, knelt on the ground, hands to my throat. 35 of you, why arent even one helping me. i let the last tear escape from my eyes, letting it slope down my cheeks to freedom.

i’m left alone to die.

CHINESE PRELIMS – DISASTER

need i say more? haha, my compos are always damn emo. wow.

i’m an emo kid!!! woooh!!!

hahahahaha. lol, erm, nothing much today. just almost slept through chem, but the thought of being shot @ kept me awake. i’m pissed off at someone AGAIN, and her hair just cannt stop tickling my arm, and she cant take the hint when i was like rubbing my arm once in a while. and perhaps, isit tht hard to pin up that few strands of hair? school isnt a fashion show, i seroiusly dont care if my belt is higher than my boobs (wait, i dont have papaya boobies, i’m airport runway ! ) or when my pinafore is as long as. i dont know.

ohwell, my calve is twitching, bad luck comin’? **

i drank 2 cups of milk tea today, bought 2 chocs. i’m happy. byebye

Two faced.

吉隆坡. m. whatever.

i seriously dont know why i did apologise in the first place. was i so desperate for the seat that i nv got to use anyway cos you were that snobbish too? and perhaps yeeyin! zomg, you dint even started the whole thing, she was the one who first started using claudia’s name and flamed your blog! hais, just for a stupid seat, i’ve done stupids things that made me feel to little.

look! wow, how nice, u asked ur friends to look at me. yea, i gorgeous, you dont have to let me have all the attention you know! lols. seriously. keep some for youself. one day you will fine out that.

people will no longer laugh with you, but laugh at you.

and m. how nice, you apologised once, i seroiusly doubt it was you. that’s what i said. (certain) people with religion simply use it as a tool to “wash away sins” so that thy could sin again. great. superb. wonderful.

bimbo training academy. that’s all i can say.

i wont blog and expect you to be remorseful and wag ur tail like how a puppy does.

cos i know you wont, and happy living your last year of happiness. ur jc life, i bet it wont be so easy. (and you’ll prob die when you go to poly.)

childish poks. but i’ll just live my life like this then.

it wont be life, if i dont have enemies.

it’s a wonder how people think so highly of themselves, but anyway, i’ve done my part for revenge. :D

oh yea, 3:2 anglican. you may have won our c div, but this has proven the difference of having china players and not. we win as pure singaporeans and we will always do.

lol, why do people like to complain like, play bullying? i mean, there’s no harm in doing that right, it bring fun, to me you everyone. and you think this is mild, try my primary school. woots. cant forget the days we use to bully each other like mad. and how i almost broke clarence’s nose with my powderful smack. haha. but he dint hold a grudge or complain it to anyone. i wonder why you did. and you’re quite matured to me (at least te first impression).

well, i cant really expect much ? if not yea, i’ll be called the “you think you’re very superrior too what, comment what shit”. but do take note, everything on my blog is called opinions. but bimbo language it’s called bitching.

i supposed people come and go, they don stay the same way.

first impressions are never important, since what we’re talking about are relationships(friendship) which are long term-ed. so i guess, i was wrong about some people being bad or nice.

i should’ve known earlier, it was never the first impression for you to judge people. it is for you to have the chance to know someone. it’s like, dipping your finger into the wax before it turns hard again.

*oo, my laptop is hawt*

oh andand, i had my first sprained ankle today! hahaha, i dno if it’s a sprain, and i’m so scared that i’ll get scolded tomorrow by miss lim for spraining my leg just before the 2.4 trial run.

heh. aight, i cant say it’s fun having a sprain leg, but i think my wish came true. cos i remember wishing for a sprained leg before.

haha, was in shock when i lost my balance and realised my foot and leg are almost to L shape when i fell. SOMEONE tried catching me but she made my specs “out of shape” instead. HAHA. but heh, she tried i guess?

ok, i shall go bathe, try do some work before sleepin’. so yea.

night blogders. ;D

how i see the world.

humans. i detest humans (i call myself a monkey. too bad!!).

look how much the world is dominating the earth. they’ve taken the whole of land, and now, the sea (reclaimed land).

why are dogs kept as pets? and why do they get abused? what do you think when all is the other way round. dogs will be our masters, we’ll walk on fours, and eat leftovers and get kicked around.

it’s just not fair that (most) humans thinks they are more superior than animals. but think, if we DO NOT have the brains, we are actually at the lowest of the food chain. the lions would probably make us extinct overnight.

i think we should like, learn from the animals, recognise their existence and ability. because they too have a share of the world.

as they always like to teach little kids, it’s always nice to share and care.

think, if we are not on earth, the world would probably be a better place. we wont have a fucking hole in the ozone layer, we wont have greenhouse effect, we wont have melting iceburgs, and people wont be clubbing seal, killing animals for parts and no oilspills. all the animals will be healthy with their hunting, hiding, playing. there will be no nets to catch them, no spears to poke them, no guns.

i seriously think they will be happy without us.

and maybe, they are already thinking of a plan to make us all extinct! wow. that would be fun.

coughcoughsneeze.

if you’re sick, please dont go ta school. when you pass it to other people, they wont be happy.

be a considerate citizen :D

ciao.

good deed(s)?

i asked my mom one day, “what is the meaning of a good deed. cos i think there’s no such thing as a good deed. and how do you classify a good act/good person/good heart.”

she said, “when someone does something that is not against his/her conscience.”

i thought for a while, then i replied, “then how do you classify against a conscience. everyone is made different what, people can kill another without feeling a sense of regret or remorse. in fact, they think it’s a good deed for some weird other reason.”

“then i dno already.”

what is he thinking

i saw a retarded man (30s) on the bus today, he was sucking his thumb, and looking of of the window. with his right hand he stroked his hair on his own. i wonder what is he thinking, whether he is yearning for affection like every other child?

does he know of his present situation of being retarded and his actions seemed weird to other people. does he think like a normal person, yet just unable to carry his thoughts out.

i’m jsut wondering, what is going through the head of his.

i guess it’s over

ha, yea, this blog is over, at least for a little while. or when i get pissed. haha, so this blog will no longer be as active as it used to be. have ta start studying already.

i’ve been wasting every single minute of my life, only dedicating 1/12 of a day studying, and the rest either on the computer bloggin, facebooking, friendstering, msning, or sleeping or watching tv or bullying my precious ol’ dog.

so yea, i think it’s time to cherish life a little bit more, making every second worth and not just here to play ya know? have to start doing something productive.

yupp, all e best to all sec4 08 who are taking the o lvls this year.

just make this last year a bombastic year. aight?  study  hard people !!! :D:D

now i feel like a china woman who was cheated and working in singapore

yes “richard” ( oh gosh, whut an orbiang name). i chose to dsa.

cos that man told me i could play and put me in the 2nd place in the list. how nice of him.

and anyway, i regret it, so dont tell me “you chose it anyway”.

stupid.

period.

and stop coming here anymore “richerd.” i dont mind losing a blogder.

as they like to say,

don like me, dont like my blog, why bother coming and leave nonsensical comments and get shot back?

and being the player doesn’t give the right to be arrogant and do such things.

so does it mean that i’m not a player, i dont have to train, i can stay in class and study, i don have to spend money on jerseys that i’m going to wear for no fucking reason and cheer for someone who thinks she’s so mighty oh fucking great?

since you seem to be so supportive of that, i suggest you suck people too yea? now continue sucking and leave me alone!

why listen to you.

“what are you doing here?! aiya, go training la! *waves hand”.

well, since you think i’m not fit to even be in the discussion (yea, i’m in the team but not in the team. i’m not allowed to play for the team), then why should i wear that jersey with white printed words, “ST Nicholas”.

why did i come in the first place, since i’m not going to be given a chance, why allow me to transfer to st nicholas, i could be happily in geylang methodist in the air pistol team.

8 years, 8 long years of hard training, able to come this far without a china coach ( except you count the one in STTA, but she was as bias anyway, and i was brought up by a singaporean coach). and now, i had to put up with this arrogance that you are giving.

you think you’re the only one with attitude?! 请不要自豪.

so what table tennis is the one you use for that bowl of rice? you think you can have that popularity/fame for so many year?!

well, i’m so happy i’m not so stupid.

i can say that it’s not totally a waste for this 8 years, cos it’s a learning lesson for me.

i go for passion and pride, coupled with humility. i dont go for fame and popularity, with arrogance.

i’m just so disappointed to be cheering so hard for someone in my team and then i’m not regarded as one of them.

how can i swallow this sense of dignity and pride just to wear the green  saint nicholas table tennis team’s jersey and think nothing has happened and cheer for her the same.

it’s not called being sensitive.

this is too much. one sentence can be short, but it can be hurt as much as sticks and bones.

one can be stolen of everything, but not passion, dignity and pride.

BOMBARDed

hais, sec 4, exam dates are all over the place. cant plan anything without thinking, “ey, got clash with o lvl or not”.

because of fucking chinese o levels, i had to give up my long awaited runway cycling 2008 cos it was one day before chinese o’s. like whoah?! i waited one whole year to find out that it is just before my freakin’ exams.  what the hell is wrong with the organisers. 365 days in a year, you pian1pian1 choose 25may. -.0 that is like 1/365 probability and bingo.  -_-

well, things aren’t really smooth sailing in school. having trouble keeping up with maths. i cant even understand my fav sub (amath) and i’m really gettin’ quite frustrated bout it.  differentiation so easy meh? ok, i must have turned dumb.  gosh.

hmm, nothing much happened though, i guess the ostracizing quietened down already. i really hope there will be no more no more no more (!!!) trouble fer e rest of the year, cos i really dont want personal and emotional problems to come in at this time and give me more headache(s). zzz. *crosses fingers*

(anyway, my friend signed in 4 times straight, and it’s darn irritating. fuck you)

oh yea, fuck is becoming such a common word, i dont like it anymore.

KAYU (!!!) and SHIT ASS BASTARD (!!!) are now my fav word/phrases. ^^

nightie night. slept at 2 last night, just to study bio. oh well, at least it was an accomplishment, thanks to joceyln! haha. maybe i’m not going to talk to her online again, ask me to do hw one!! garh.

APPLE POO :)

1 April 2008.

is time really going this fast, or just another joke that is being played on us? (: i really do hope it was the latter.

3 months over, 4th month here. how much have i exactly prepared for o lvls? oh well, not must, just chapter 2 of bio. haha, woo.

i haven’t changed a bit, homework still undone, belt still friggin’ high, and i just refuse to wash my shoe every week (huMph). but ha, i learnt how to talk twit you know! although i still got ta say, i’m still a beginner, do go easy on me (thanks elizebeth boon for passing me this senseless profession (: ).

every day goes by, yet i push work to the next day giving the excuse of me being tired or sick or whatever excuse i could force out from my mouth. tomorrow never ends. i should really learn to change my tomorrow to today instead, at least i would do something (H-O-P-E-F-U-L-L-Y).

maybe this blog has got to go for a while, idk. at least for the time being. i’m not ready to give up internet now though, i still need lots of support from my bestie, and the best way is through the internet where i could just leave her a message and at least wait for her reply, no matter how simple, it could be my fuel for the day.

but it’s all up to me isnt it?  o levels is to be done by myself only. just like a dance. he can teach, but cant move your body for you (unless you’re a puppet, but i haven’t heard of a puppet that writes?!?).

anyway, jw is joining campus superstar. ahaahaa. wooo ~ maybe i’m gonna join and embarrass myself and waste 10 dollars. HAHA, like see who is the most unglam on stage. maybe might pull jodie along or something. (wanna do something? make it big lurh! cannot get famous by singing, then unglamness lorh! can get into magazine also not bad).

well, i hope you guys dint get pranked too much ey? cos i did quite a few today. eg, telling my friend i like him ( haha, old school), say i kena detention, and sntt tried to prank the teacher that we left huiyi in school, but heh, we failed cos of me, i cant stop laughing. xDxD although she said she wasn’t shocked, i knew she did! cos she was giving this (huh?!) look, until i was like laughing like mad damn badly.

so, yea, i guess,

API APPLE POO PEOPLE!

*ps, the guy during fiesta is NOT MY BOYFRIEND, he is my COUSIN/BESTIE/BROTHER FROM OTHER MOTHER