Saying goodbyes.

Thinking back.

I don’t have a BFF.

Well, I used to. Until i changed classes like every year in primary school.

They found new friends, I too, went to look for new BFFs.

I was seriously a sucker.

I nv really took initiative to treasure a friendship, yet I always complain they always leave me.

But the problem is.

I was the one who said goodbye first. Or maybe, i didn’t say that at all.

I just left.

I was a total jerk. Now i’m standing without a BFF. I really wish for someone who would be beside me, you know, just talking about everything and laughing like mad (like with JEDIGODIE) w/o any reason.

But the problem i have now it.

I can be close to someone. But when the person choose to be close to me.

I shrink away.

It’s like.

I’m  a selfish idiot who doesn’t give, yet demanding to receive.

This really sets me thinking.

I was never a good friend.

Other than providing entertainment, I never once gave them the security and warmth a friend is supposed to give. I wan thier attention so much, I didn’t realise, that they too sometimes need mine.

It was never their problem, but mine.

Or maybe i was just looking for a “dream” friend i always yearned for.

The one that speaks with silence.

The one that console me with silence.

The one that would look deep into my eyes, and tell me it’s ok.

The one that would give me a pat on my head and lend me her shoulder.

I wan a BFF too..

Why do people go [All] emo?

Random picture of the day.

Ok, back to my point.

I really cannot understand how people can stand being emo all day, thinking so negatively and all those stuffs you know (?) and the most important thing that i hate about [this group] of emo people is that.

They make it known.

I won’t deny that i WILL get emo at times. But I’m sure that i’ll snap out of it soon because i really cannot stand the feeling of being sad.

It’s seriously a painful feeling i try to get away from. However, i do think a occasional dose of it can make us stronger.

OK back to my point.

It’s quite irritating to have people blogging how dark their lives have become, like.

“i quarreled with my friend” therefore i’m emo.

“I saw a penknife today” therefore I’m emo.

Yea, you get what i mean.

And also, how they don’t wish to live anymore. How they’re sick of their lives and how nice it would be to end it.

You haven’t really seen people who really want to end their lives (neither have I). And there you go trying to feign suicide.

Three dots. (+ 1)

Seriously I DETEST such people.

Because of a trip, you think your balls (or boobs) veh big and you go around telling people how sad your friggin’ life is?

I will tell you, your life is not sad because of what happened. But because of how you’re not making full use of it (Using computer is making use of life. Computer is dope ok!).

Think about people who wants to live yet do not have the chance to.

Really, think about them.

Think about.

Mas Selamat.

Now he has something to emo about. (lawls)

Ok, chem spa.

I dno what to say already.

Just have the sudden urge to blog about this.

Remember kids!

It’s ok to be emo once in a while as it makes you stronger! But cut yourself and you’ll turn into a loser!

:D

GOMBAWASHI

muha!
I’m really sad today. Cos i wasted alot alot of time.
And I had a stomachache this morning. wheee.
then other than that, ok la, usual.
i sweared once today. A good thing. Less swearing, nicer me.
I made wanjuan angry again.
Met my juniors for lunch, ended up late for remedial then found out a whole bunch of people ponned it and regret going for it.
didn’t study for history test tomorrow. So i’m thinking how am i going to handle it.
i want to play football tomorrow cos basketball in school sucked.
and I want to play football because i didn’t touch a football for 3 days already. and the feeling is terrible.
i will bring pe shirt tomorrow. If not i’ll smell bad.
I shall study more for chemistry and history.

this post is a waste of time.
i’m angry with myself again, and maybe you should be angry with yourself also. Cos you just wasted a few mins of your time reading this post which is a waste of time.

But i think you’re still reading cos you’re stupid and dont know i’m trying to waste your time too.

i think because you’re very kaypo and bitchy. yes you.
cos you’re reading my blog hoping to find something interesting to talk about me.
so now i’m doing you a good favour and waste your time.
haha, it’s so funny cosyou’re still reading it.

It’s so fun to make fun of you cos you’re like a bitch.
ok, not a bitch cos i love bitches. female dogs are good.

You’re just someone i dont like ok?
no names.
cos you’re not worthy of any :D

continue reading la!

read read read. cos i’m lazy type already.

so have fun because from now on it’s all crap.

lalalalalalala.

elmo song!!

GOMBAWASHI is a word i made up myself.

i think it means hi.

I think.

lawls.

ok.

i don’t like you.

byebye.

Bear bile.

Painful to watch.

Just don’t take bear bile please.

No matter what.

How would you like to be in a metal cage for twenty five years with a tube sticking out from your abdomen, and bile tapped out twice daily, around 10g-20g each time? Also, would you like to have your teeth plucked out in case you bite them?

Then you’ll either die getting killed cos you’re not producing bile anymore or liver problems. Die for paws. meat. fur. everything.

And you’ll never have a chance to feel grass.

Think about freedom.

J.S.

就是有一种，
她不想再理我的感觉。

和她说话就是那么如此的冷淡。
似乎已没有那好朋友的感觉。

好像，A ONE SIDED BESTFRIEND-SHIP。

关心是关心。
但没有以前那亲密的感觉。

我不知大家有没有过这种感受。

她是不是想和我做朋友，
希望已冷漠的方式慢慢地离我而去。

我不能否定，人过一段时间一定会变。
但我没有想到，那个时候会那如此的快。

如果是这样，
我宁愿有一个自私的想法，
就是让时间停下，谁也不许长大，
谁也不许离开。

这样，
也许我能永远地拥有她为我最好的好朋友。

因为没办法见面，
而使到我们的感情那么冷淡。

我的心，真的不甘。

老天爷就是那么残酷。
我所想拥有的，您都把它一一拿回去。

虽然我物质上该有的都有，
但我还是觉得，心越来越来的空。
虽然它还是砰砰跳，但好像失去了意义。

可是，
我却好像什么都不能做，
只能眼睁睁地望着她的背影。
眼睛含着泪。

朋友。我不要失去你。
不要说再见。

我可说，已经是一无所有了。

It’s not that actually.

Sometimes, it’s not that I don’t have the courage to stand up against what I think is right to me. But it’s hard to think of the consequences if the other party is really really mean and decides to stand up with what’s right to her too.

Well, to be honest, I’m just too afraid to face people who shout of just steal the whole show in the whole argument by being loud, unreasonable and other negative ways you can think of.

How many times has she shouted at me? Or screamed at me? Well seriously, I don’t know.

I realised i’ve been harping on the same point over and over again. Probably because how uncomfortable i feel when things are not changing when i’m hoping so much it could.

Hot, cold. It just fluctuates so much I don’t know what to expect, whether this response from me today will make her neutral or mad.

Sometimes I find that i have to rephrase what i have to say in a way that I’m talking/praising about her only. It’s always “I’m so careless la, right?” or “she like _____, right?” for you and thinking, i don’t really have a choice except to agree with that you’ve said because maybe i just want to runaway from the fact that, “defying you” will make me a criminal and well, let’s just not talk about the consequences. Creepy.

You seemed not interested when i change the topic to well, me. Continue with work, ignore me, or just flare up with no particular reason.

I shall give you the answer that you asked a week before, what i’m writing in my handbook (ok , I’m risking having my dairy stolen by some pesky “reporters” ). It’s when I’m pissed off at you, i write in it. You don’t seem to allow me to talk, demanding that i shut up all the time. Yet you can kick the table, have your hand over my table and i can’t have mine over yours, can click/tap pen.

You realised i don’t ask for much. I just want to you keep yourself over to your side of the table. I just want my side. A proper space that belongs to me. Territorial, if you call it.

I don’t have to move away you know, since you’re the one that is violating respect. I’m not someone that is made to be trampled on. I’m just someone made to be myself. Not someone made to agree with you, not someone made to believe God because he loves me. How can i be convinced that he loves me when he set me with someone that tramples on me, disrespecting my basic right of having just my side of the table.

I just want my side of the table.
Anyway, there’s a new thing happening.

Someone I least expected to sabo me, saboed me.

Not gonna reveal the name or anything related to this matter. Find it out yourself.

I’m sure you’ll be able to do it.

JIAYOU WOR!.

Lawls.

Anyway, English Prelim Oral today was a blast! Miss Jeya’s really really nice, although i made lots of blunders and made her laugh with my special answer. xD

Yea, can’t wait for results.

(:

和气生财，和气生财。

我也开始学着对某些事看开一点，学会一笑容来面对这些”问题”。哈哈哈。。。

这些”问题”也不是说比世界的美丽重要，也不会比
世界末日来的遭。

呵呵，算了咯。

多一个烦恼，不如少一个烦恼，多一份快乐!

You feel that everything is going against you and you are worn out and exhausted by all the conflict and quarrelling. You are trying to protect yourself but at the same time you are hiding your feelings, hoping that by so doing, you can avoid exposing yourself to attack. Hopefully this will give you the chance to get on with your life. Nevertheless, you should be very careful to try to avoid stirring up any opposition which might endanger your plans.

You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.

It’s the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to ‘let go’ and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people’s enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship, be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt, so you are now extremely wary of being exploited. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity.

In the past your trusting attitude has often been misunderstood and so you have needed to protect yourself against your tendency to be abused and taken advantage of. As a consequence you possibly adopt an aloof and critical attitude and you are only willing to let your guard down once sincerity and trustworthiness can be assured.

She calls it the evil kitty.

Maybe it is.

Two scratches. Three (future) scars.

Two words.

Me – Ow

I need more friends.

Sometimes, being a loner is really sad. Although it helps me to reflect on alot of things, it’s still not as good as having a real person to talk to.

Someone who would be there 24hrs. Someone who won’t mind if you contradict yourself all the time. Someone, just someone nice.

(sighs)

Laugh all you want.

You’re not my friend anyway.

You can win Cash.

you can go to this website http://sp.edu.sg/bestad/voters%20form.htm
and den choose one ad and give reasons for it, after that u fill up the form about ur particulars
den in the part where they say “Only fill in this part if a Singapore Polytechnic student has asked you to participate in” ,
down there u put in put in
my name : chan zhi hong
admin No : 0630261
hp no : 81572516

Help out ohkays!

Can win ($$) i think. HAHAHAHA..

So just do it. Ain’t a scam. By singapore poly one.

ONLY STUDENTS TAKING O LEVEL THIS YEAR CAN DO !!

XIEXIE

2 days mc.

Lol.

He just changed the antibiotics to the stronger one. Plus two bottles of cough mixture.

And I get a MC.

Nobody wants a boring book.

don’t like fairytales.

Except the part of having a sweet ending, I don’t like everything that go in between.

How saving a princess is so easy, or how stupid for a prince to kiss a dead girl, how finding the cleaner who lost her glass shoe.

It’s too smooth.

After dealing with things recently [ which i will not tell you :D ] , I realised, actually, my life is really entertaining!

It’s not the usual life of going out shopping, bitching with friends, laughing, acting stupid with Jedi+ go die.

It’s not like I don’t do all these stuffs. But it’s those things that happen in between, bad bad stuffs, evil stuffs, that finally let me understand that, all these wonderful things, are really [ Wow].

There’s this contrast that will teach you not through the textbook way, but the way i always wanted things to, to come alive.

Now I love the way i feel hurt, dejected, rejected, pain, sadness. Because then, [my mom always tells me], you know what’s really good to you, good for you.

And one thing about having many downs [ + lots of ups too ]. You have something to brag about.

OK, this point reminds me of my cousin.

Buy belt must buy the big big buckler (how to spell ar). Then when you see other people, you show off your belt.

Ok, it’s no link but haha, i think it’s quite funny.

It was never about having a good life.

But a meaningful life of accepting pleasure, as well as pain.

Past are not meant to be forgotten [ at least to me ]. But to remind you,

“Hey, congrats. Remember the time you whine so much? You got past it. (: “

So let me treat o levels the same way.

Perform very well now, then nxt time can brag when i get good results.

I work veli veli hard for it one leh!

Hahahaha, sweet.

HAHAHAHA, ok, let’s hope it’s not all talk this time. Back to maths.

Then to shit. urgh.

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How do you determine what’s right or wrong, good or bad, nice or evil.

*thinks*

4 more tests to go,
and a very tired me.
*conks out*

Had tuition yesterday.
HAHA, very funny, but i’m not going to share it with you. :D

I saved a cat from my neighbour’s house
i brought it home,
want to keep it.
and now i’m cleaning it’s shit.
haha.

I’M A (AHEM) ZOOLOGIST IN TRAINING! xD
It’s my first freakin’ time picking up poop.
And actually, there’s not much feeling to it.
2 pieces of paper, scoop it up, and there!
clean and clear!
Then you wait for the dumb cat to shit on it again.

ZZZ.

I can’t go out with my dear bestie today.
because,
THANKS TO SCHOOL LORH!

rubbish.

especially ehist and ss.
What’s the point of doing a test when it’s not gonna be graded and marked?!
It’s like, left blank! and we don’t even know out mistakes.
that’s like fking crap!

Anyway, I should really try to stop swearing.
Ok, i still want to swear,
but i might just bring down the rate of it.
:D

Just to be nice (:

Drained.
Really drained.

I’m not being emo (so don’t get the wrong idea).
Just really tired of this whole game.
Studies. Family. Friendships. Besties.

This whining won’t work.

But how?

I’m feeling so blankish now.

What’s the purpose of life?