I’m starting to like my life back (:

People are hating me already. I should be feeling sad. But I’m not.

I feel perfectly fine.

I can now concentrate on studies, spend less time quarelling with people. Learning to ignore, and just to live my life of my own. I don’t have to change to make someone like me. But just wait for someone to accept who I am.

I swear. I fucking hit people. I shout. I get pissed off.

But I don’t find any problem doing that.

I still found real friends that didn’t bother about changing me.

Because they know what makes me me.

Real friends don’t change me to make them happier. They let me stay happy by letting me be who I am.

You don’t have to understand it. I don’t expect that you do anyway.

You can move your seat all you want.

It’s for my good anyway. I didn’t feel like sleeping (much) today in class. My new table mate answers my questions. She won’t shout at my face telling me NOT to do this and that.

I may be pissed of. But shouting/screaming at someone is a nono. It shows disrespect. When I think of disrespect, it reminds me of someone. Someone I detest so much.

Anyway, it doesn’t matter anymore. I know you already.

Thanks.

Can’t wait for dance. I seriously need dance to release all these anger inside me.

Lucky I have dance.

I waited for dance, I’m so glad it didn’t let me down.

There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.

Desperate (David Archuleta)

Desperate, desperate
You’re reaching out
And no one hears you cry
You’re freaking out again
‘Cause all your fears
Remind you another dream has come undone
You feel so small and lost like you’re the only one
You wanna scream ’cause you’re
Desperate

You want somebody, just anybody
To lay their hands on your soul tonight
You want a reason to keep believin’
That someday you’re gonna see the light

Whoopie! My first performance ever ( since P2 ) is coming! It’s the SYF showcase thingi @ CJ. J1s are included in one performance, and I really can’t wait for it! I’m placed center stage third row though. Don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. Think it’s cos I’m too tall or smth. Garh! Break my legs!!

Dance is getting better and better. I can feel that I’m improving and starting to enjoying alot more. But it’s still kinda stressful when I’m learning a new choreo because I always can’t catch up. I need like another day to practice and get things right. Yaya, slow pok.

CA’s coming, and by right, my computer should be confiscated by my mom. HAHA. Not disciplined at all. Pfft. I wanna be more disciplined leh. How ah like that. ):

KK. Got to study alrd. No more time. HAHA!

Ciaos.

This hole [out of many] in YeeYin’s heart is filled.

What this space. Gonna blog this tmr (:

(long overdue) Reflection

Hmm.

It’s like I feel full yet empty. All those “friends” I made since I entered CJC. I don’t know. It’s just not a very satisfying feeling.

Let’s not blame this on my confidence level, but I seriously think that something bad is really going to happen soon.

The three months friends and enemies for the rest of the life thing. The thing that followed me throught my entire 17 years.

May is coming. Will I starting losing all these “friends”, or are the going to stay?

What I’m afraid of it all those little things/people that dislike me and go around jeopardize my friendships.

It’s a very scary thing.

But I can’t complain much about that, for I’ve been doing that for the past month.

It took me this long to realise what the fuck I’m doing wrong.

I told my friend this during chemistry lecture, but it’s more of my reflection than to tell her anything,

” Do not judge him with my experience as it’s not going to be fair to him. If not it will sound as if I’m trying to make him a reject.”

Everyone has their own freedom of thinking, and I shouldn’t have tried to take over like a communist does.

I was passing judgements about people. I was being mean the past few weeks.

I shouldn’t have done that.

So today, I am now reaping what I’ve sown.

Maybe I don’t have the right anymore to complain when people get pissed with me. 自食其果.  It’s my own fault for being such a mean fuck.

My aim for the next one week ( let me do this slowly ): Not to pass any unfair/mean judgement about anyone, and not to be pissed off too often unless I can’t take it anymore

Long term aim: Be a better person.

P/S: Playing music using phone speakers is annoying. Pen clicking is also annoying. I don’t know why SHE is doing it to piss me off or something. I seriously think SHE is being very insensitive. She talks so much about herself yet pay little attention when someone else is speaking. SHE critisizes people’s English and to be honest, it doesn’t feel good. It feels as if she’s being entertain when I get angry. I don’t know what to do. At least sk and ch are being more considerate to me now. In return, I will definitely treat them with more respect. If all thing turn bad, maybe I’ll become this plankton(loner) again. I think it’s coming. But what can I do? I feel intimidated by her.

But oh well. Let it be, let it be. I resign to fate in this part of my life.

Anonymous.

I don’t like random anon comments.

My reply to your comment, sir/madam:

FUCK OFF (:

FYI, I don’t dislike alot of people. Just this group of them compared to hundreds of people I know.

Get your facts right before blurping out your senseless opinions.

Or rather, keep them to youself. Because I do not need them (:

Thanks faggot :D

I have GREAT buddies. I’m serious!

Yopes. Haven’t been updating much about my social life. It’s just that everything is going at such a fast pace I’m desperately trying to catch up ( and cut down on the computer ). But as if I will be able to cut down on computer time. Gosh. Haha.

Hmm, school’s been great. Got a group of RATHER SUPPORTIVE classmates, and met my PW team ( which is not bad, but I guess we need to work on some stuffs (e.g. CHOOSE ANOTHER LEADER) ). Hahaha… Then, I’ve met some people I won’t want myself to mix with too ( as if they wanna mix w me also. But who cares la. Not like without them I’ll die. They’re like people who flock to you in times of need and flock back into their own cliques once they’re filled. IDK. That’s what the impression they’re giving me. Well, I’m not HATING THEM. Just DISLIKE. I don’ t mind helping them ( I’m generally a KIND SOUL unless they make noise or spam deordarant in class ). I’ve been awarded model student before ok.. Don’t play play sia.

Dance’s rather depressing. Can’t keep up with choreo. But I’m startin’ to pick up slowly bit by bit. Gotta have more confidence in myself and kick that bad habit which is stage fright.It’s gonna be possible. Ah.. Another new aim for this year.

Alright, I’ve got to go back to studying. REALLY K! I TRY TO STUDY AS MUCH AS I CAN. Hope I’ll use less internet ( I tried, but seriously, it’s really annoying when you have to search for information online and you don’t have a computer ).

Too dependent on the computer.

I’ve got to realise that the fucking internet is not going to really help me get A’s.

I will grow up. And fuck off the computer.

Sounds wrong la, but at least you get the idea.

P/S: Thanks JIEN/SHARON for the STITCH CUP AND WHAT THE F**K?! KEYCHAIN. (:
P/S/S: Thanks KENNETH FOR THE DRUMS! ( HE WANTS ME TO DANCE to the DRUMS. HAHA! Nice… ) :D
P/S/S/S: There’s a whole lot of other people who owe me presents. IG 32! APRIL ALRD SIA!

I love school. ( NOT )

Steve Jobs

It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.