为什么黑，等于脏，黑暗，等于邪恶。为什么大家都认为白天使是好人，而不是一个
有阴谋的怪物? 谁知道，它，可能是一只假惺惺的怪兽，用一个似乎完美的外表来
隐藏一个不可告人的秘密。

When everything comes to an end, what’s next?

I spent the previous night thinking a little bit about death, which shook me a little.

It’s not about being remembered or forgotten when you die.

It’s about, where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do? How will I look like? Who will I see?

What if all these stories of eternity, heaven and hell never exist? And you will be stuck in a place of darkness, floating around forever and ever? You don’t even who you are then.

What is it’s a karmic cycle, and I become another animal, what will I be, how will I live again, what will be my fate? How will I die in that life? Will it be like the chickens and ducks and pigs I have been eating my whole life?

What if this life you are living now, is the ONLY chance you have to live, and you might just be stuck in some dimension for a really long time for another big bang to occur?

What if this brain of yours is your soul, your spirit, your everything, this brain is you. And when you die, everything’s gone. There’s no more you, like, you don’t even think about anything, like you’re not supposed to be here at all.

All these thoughts scare me, worst than any horror movie.

I cuddled close to my mother as she snores on this very bed I am now, sniffed the smell that seemed so familiar and smoothing at times.

What I’m scared of is not what happens next.

But having to suffer or enjoy what happens next without my mother, my brother, my cousins, my aunts and uncles, and grandmother, my friends, my pets…..

What I want is company by my loved ones, during “what happens next”.

FML

I signed up for 2 OCIPs, and I ended up with NONE. Thanks to some teacher(s).

I’m sooooo damn fucked up la.

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AH I don’t want to fucking promote.

Not with BBEE E. Seriously.

So what if I got A for chemistry?! Big fuck. It still ended up a B.

Fuck la. This kind of grades, I’d rather take the exam scripts and wipe my butt.

Not worth it to promote.

It’s the suckiest grades someone can ever promote with.

I’m not happy. I’m sadder than before.

Sadder than those who are going to retain.

This sucks.

As I always said after any examinations.

I should have studied harder.

I shouldn’t have signed up for 2 OCIPs.

HHA. Guess what. My A levels Chinese is next week, haven’t started preparing. My PW’s next next week and I haven’t finalized my PPT.

And here I am trying to finish up my I&R.

OCIP preparation has already started. WTH. I’m not free you know! But I can’t slack because my group to Vietnam has only 12 people! If I slack, not fair right??

Shingz la. How now? (brown cow)

(-(00)-) zzz Oh, this is a pig.

What if.

My Biology and Economics grades are like, UU? I still have to retain anyway.

Hais. I was telling my mother about my regret for not studying hard this year to get H3,partly because I never dreamed of getting an A for any other subject than Chinese this year. And you know what she said?

Retain and get all As next year lor. Lol.

Nevermind. At least I know I’m smarter than I think I am. Finally realised I can do alot if I’m willing to put in the effort work hard and not give up everytime it’s about to end.

This is the greatest lesson learnt this year I guess.

And T28’s a greater class than I’ve expected.

Seems like alot of things are better than my expectations of them.

Haha. Aight. I’m bored. Should I change to tumblr?

4 more weeks

After OP and Chinese A’s, I can finally take a break from school work, and dedicate myself to guitar and CIP, my pets, and of course my revision.

Vietnam OCIP, Batam OCIP, maybe SPCA or ASD.

Finally I can help people who really needs my assistance, people who will show sincere gratitude in one way or another.

A time I can feel 100% satisfied with myself, a time when I know I can do better than others.

Which is letting go of comfort, and sacrifice myself during the period.

Which means getting bitten by bugs while working in the field or contruction area, or getting allergies from plucking corns ( had that in Thailand the other time ).

I’m not afraid.

I’m just afraid that, I can’t be there to make a difference.

I’m made to help people, I know that.

Because I’m born with everything, while the others have none.

It’s a blessing to be able to help people.

Because it just shows you’re blessed.

I hope you guys can do the same, just go with one aim.

We’re there, to make a difference.

Since the last paper..

What have I been doing since the last paper?

Practically nothing. It seems that I have no energy left to even watch the dramas I want to watch, all the games I want to play, all the things I said I’m gonna do.

I’m too tired. D:

For the past few days, or week, what I’ve done is:

1) Sleep
2) Pokemon (Platinum). Yes I know I’m damn slow.
3) Youtube
4) Obsessed with Navi’s single ( I love you )
5) Trying to learn guitar since 2 days ago.
6) Sleep
7) Sleep

And so, I’ve wasted 1 week of my life.

But the good thing is, it feels good to recharge, pay back all my sleep debts. Especially when I’ve been sleeping at 2-3 (AM) almost everyday for two weeks when I’m having the murderous promotional examinations. I can tell you, it was hellish.

Well, since I’m quite done sleeping and stoning around the house ( I got sick again. KNNBCCB. ), I hope I’ll get to go out the next couple of days, even if it means I have to loiter around town on my own. So yeah, anyone who’s up to go chill w me ( It’ll be boring and awkward ), just MSN me. Nyahaha.

I should get attached soon. Rather than having to waste my time facing a laptop screen that probably won’t love me back.

Aight, gotta get ready to go for PW meeting ( I don’t know what’s with the sudden on-ness. Must be the nightmare caused by our GPP. Nyahah~), then back to my pokemon, then sleep and recharge for school tomorrow.

Can’t wait to study again!! Wahaahahaha~~

I feel my eyes swelling up due to fatigue and lack of sleep.

Another 4 and a half more hours and it’s 24hours without sleep. Should I try breaking this record?

Anyway, I need a confidence boost.

Please encourage me, tell me that it is possible for me to get 4As for A levels next year.

I will work hard.

Believe in me.

The Worst Dad Award for the whole of eternity.

Seriously, he should be given the worst dad award. I would rather have an abusive dad. So at least I could get a court order to get him far away from me. Maybe even get the luck to forever get rid of this dad.

I seriously won’t want him at my wedding.

What for does he need to feel proud of his daughter, when his daughter don’t feel proud of him, or respect him even.

Totally, he’s not worth that “yellow ribbon”.

I don’t care how nice he was in the past.

What left behind is a psychological scar that nothing can ever make it go away.

I have an imperfect family, a hole so deep that nothing can fill.

You’ll never understand the feeling.

The feeling of having a broken family because of a useless father, the one you’re supposed to look up to, the one that’s supposed to be cool, the one you whine to when your mother denies you of something.

I lost my father 5 years ago. Maybe more.

It may seem that I’m immune, speaking about it openly and stuffs.

But.

When I look at those perfect happy families, both parents working with a stable and reasonable income, everyone’s happy financially and psychologically.

I can tell you.

I’m not exactly fine.

Chemistry paper.

My hard work has paid off. Or at least 50-70% of it.

The rest are down because of my blindness and I lost quite a no. of marks due to careless mistakes.

D:

But looking on the bright side, I finally filled up the section B of my paper!! Great improvement from Mid years, where my section C was half filled, and for section B, I was acting like a savanger, finding all those loose marks I can try scoring. The end results was like 6/30?

I don’t know how I will do for this chem paper. Seriously. But if you were to force me to set a target, let’s say, borderline pass, meaning just at 50. Hopefully.

Hopefully, I won’t let down my subject teacher for chemistry. If not it has proved that I have wasted her time by going for like 3-4 consultations with her.

I should learn how to be more confident about my answers too.

Confidence is what sets us apart.

Sucess and failure.

It begins all withthe mindset.

I will do my best.

K. Done with chem.

Now, let’s talk about love. ( Fertilisation of gamates to get a zygote la! Don’t anyhow think!)

BIO target: S

Promotional Examinations.

It’s just round the corner. I have yet to start maths and economics revision. I’m done with chem, but it seems I’m not exacly ready for it.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m afraid that I will be kicked out of CJ. It’s not about the retaining. It’s about you knowing you did not do your best during revision and getting kicked out because of your laziness. You have the potential, yet you choose to just give it up and think JC life is a breeze.

I’m afraid that I might let my teachers down. They have motivated me, encouraged me, taught me well, but I chose not to listen, pay attention, be grateful for that. It’s a wrong decision that I have made: To go through all these all on my own. They are always there for me, yet I chose to cast them aside and think I’m oh so great and can do it without the help of teachers.

Miss Ma’s countless times of explaining just one question, yet I chose to be unresponsive and afraid to speak up, despite her being so willing to help me. Miss Lee’s extra lessons, class homework, morning mini-tests. I decided to just fuck them and do it on my own, leaving maths aside and just concentrating on my other subjects. Wang laoshi, who once believed in me, but I chose to be all proud and neglect my chinese, and now it’s deproving like hell.

It’s all these wrong choices I’ve made that made me land in this situation now.

But it’s too late to finally realise that I’ve been doing the wrong things for so damn long. One whole year.

I’m willing to change now, but there’s no oppotunities left for me to do so.

All I can hope is to let me promote to J2. I promise, all these teacher’s teachings will never ever go to waste again.

I put my life on it, as I swear…

.

.

I don’t want to let my teachers down.I really don’t want to.

Please, give me another chance…

I’m not happy with myself today.

Too many sentences starting with I. I may have sounded/acted really self-centered today. That’s the last thing I want to be.

Ionic equilibria was shitty. Don’t even know how to do a single question.

Emo since 2pm.

Today’s the worst day ever.

I’m so not happy with myself.

ARGH! Stop starting sentences with I!

18, or 17 more days.

I’m quite dead actually, revision is not even halfway done.

Oh no, oh shit.

So I’m mugging like hell recently, which includes not sleeping at 2:49AM so I can finish my revision in time. But it’s not like it’s hellish for me, I’m sort of the night person. I hate the day, maybe because of how hot the weather can be. But without the sun, we will all freeze to death. But with the sun, there comes so many natural disasters.

Oh well, quotes Sam, ” Life ain’t fair.”

But at least I can make my life fairer (personal level).

Haha. Anyway, so much things have been happening this whole year. I found out who my good friends are, people I can definitely depend on, as well as people I should steer clear of. I think I have grown quite alot this year (minus the studying discipline part). I may seem whiny or complaining all the time, but there are times when I just give in in the end. People see just the one side of me, the loud, extroverted, whiny, annoying side.

But I wish sometimes, I can get recognised for the good things that I’ve done too. However, that’s like, contradicting the reason why you should be nice.

I mean, I don’t want people to keep having negative thoughts/comments about me only. I want to get praised for all the small little good deeds that I do.

But everything shall start with me.

More please and thank you.

It shall start with me.

———————————-~~~—————————-~~~——————————————

Trust me, I’m introverted.

(Introverts does not mean they spend time alone all the time. They enjoy the company of people, but sometimes, they just want to be alone to recharge their energy.)

Done with reflecting. Time for bed. Nights everyone.

———————————-~~~—————————-~~~——————————————

When I get attached one day, though not so soon…

My bf shall be called Pudding,

and I’ll be Jelly (:

SURVEY! NEED HELP!

Hey guys, I really need your help. I have a 5 question survey and I need YOU to help me complete them.

I hope to get as much response as possible for an accurate result.

Thank you so much! Here is the link to the survey:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=e_2bxNCVfP1YdF90840nvWeA_3d_3d

Thank you soooo much (:

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With Bravia Tv,

Yeeun is now closer to you.