Not with BBEE E. Seriously.

So what if I got A for chemistry?! Big fuck. It still ended up a B.

Fuck la. This kind of grades, I’d rather take the exam scripts and wipe my butt.

Not worth it to promote.

It’s the suckiest grades someone can ever promote with.

I’m not happy. I’m sadder than before.

Sadder than those who are going to retain.

This sucks.

As I always said after any examinations.

I should have studied harder.

HHA. Guess what. My A levels Chinese is next week, haven’t started preparing. My PW’s next next week and I haven’t finalized my PPT.

And here I am trying to finish up my I&R.

OCIP preparation has already started. WTH. I’m not free you know! But I can’t slack because my group to Vietnam has only 12 people! If I slack, not fair right??

Shingz la. How now? (brown cow)

(-(00)-) zzz Oh, this is a pig.

My Biology and Economics grades are like, UU? I still have to retain anyway.

Hais. I was telling my mother about my regret for not studying hard this year to get H3,partly because I never dreamed of getting an A for any other subject than Chinese this year. And you know what she said?

Retain and get all As next year lor. Lol.

Nevermind. At least I know I’m smarter than I think I am. Finally realised I can do alot if I’m willing to put in the effort work hard and not give up everytime it’s about to end.

This is the greatest lesson learnt this year I guess.

And T28’s a greater class than I’ve expected.

Seems like alot of things are better than my expectations of them.

Haha. Aight. I’m bored. Should I change to tumblr?

After OP and Chinese A’s, I can finally take a break from school work, and dedicate myself to guitar and CIP, my pets, and of course my revision.

Vietnam OCIP, Batam OCIP, maybe SPCA or ASD.

Finally I can help people who really needs my assistance, people who will show sincere gratitude in one way or another.

A time I can feel 100% satisfied with myself, a time when I know I can do better than others.

Which is letting go of comfort, and sacrifice myself during the period.

Which means getting bitten by bugs while working in the field or contruction area, or getting allergies from plucking corns ( had that in Thailand the other time ).

I’m not afraid.

I’m just afraid that, I can’t be there to make a difference.

I’m made to help people, I know that.

Because I’m born with everything, while the others have none.

It’s a blessing to be able to help people.

Because it just shows you’re blessed.

I hope you guys can do the same, just go with one aim.

We’re there, to make a difference.

What have I been doing since the last paper?

Practically nothing. It seems that I have no energy left to even watch the dramas I want to watch, all the games I want to play, all the things I said I’m gonna do.

I’m too tired. D:

For the past few days, or week, what I’ve done is:

1) Sleep
2) Pokemon (Platinum). Yes I know I’m damn slow.
3) Youtube
4) Obsessed with Navi’s single ( I love you )
5) Trying to learn guitar since 2 days ago.
6) Sleep
7) Sleep

And so, I’ve wasted 1 week of my life.

But the good thing is, it feels good to recharge, pay back all my sleep debts. Especially when I’ve been sleeping at 2-3 (AM) almost everyday for two weeks when I’m having the murderous promotional examinations. I can tell you, it was hellish.

Well, since I’m quite done sleeping and stoning around the house ( I got sick again. KNNBCCB. ), I hope I’ll get to go out the next couple of days, even if it means I have to loiter around town on my own. So yeah, anyone who’s up to go chill w me ( It’ll be boring and awkward ), just MSN me. Nyahaha.

I should get attached soon. Rather than having to waste my time facing a laptop screen that probably won’t love me back.

Aight, gotta get ready to go for PW meeting ( I don’t know what’s with the sudden on-ness. Must be the nightmare caused by our GPP. Nyahah~), then back to my pokemon, then sleep and recharge for school tomorrow.

Can’t wait to study again!! Wahaahahaha~~

I feel my eyes swelling up due to fatigue and lack of sleep.

Another 4 and a half more hours and it’s 24hours without sleep. Should I try breaking this record?

Anyway, I need a confidence boost.

Please encourage me, tell me that it is possible for me to get 4As for A levels next year.

I will work hard.

Believe in me.

Seriously, he should be given the worst dad award. I would rather have an abusive dad. So at least I could get a court order to get him far away from me. Maybe even get the luck to forever get rid of this dad.

I seriously won’t want him at my wedding.

What for does he need to feel proud of his daughter, when his daughter don’t feel proud of him, or respect him even.

Totally, he’s not worth that “yellow ribbon”.

I don’t care how nice he was in the past.

What left behind is a psychological scar that nothing can ever make it go away.

I have an imperfect family, a hole so deep that nothing can fill.

You’ll never understand the feeling.

The feeling of having a broken family because of a useless father, the one you’re supposed to look up to, the one that’s supposed to be cool, the one you whine to when your mother denies you of something.

I lost my father 5 years ago. Maybe more.

It may seem that I’m immune, speaking about it openly and stuffs.

But.

When I look at those perfect happy families, both parents working with a stable and reasonable income, everyone’s happy financially and psychologically.

I can tell you.

I’m not exactly fine.

My hard work has paid off. Or at least 50-70% of it.

The rest are down because of my blindness and I lost quite a no. of marks due to careless mistakes.

D:

But looking on the bright side, I finally filled up the section B of my paper!! Great improvement from Mid years, where my section C was half filled, and for section B, I was acting like a savanger, finding all those loose marks I can try scoring. The end results was like 6/30?

I don’t know how I will do for this chem paper. Seriously. But if you were to force me to set a target, let’s say, borderline pass, meaning just at 50. Hopefully.

Hopefully, I won’t let down my subject teacher for chemistry. If not it has proved that I have wasted her time by going for like 3-4 consultations with her.

I should learn how to be more confident about my answers too.

Confidence is what sets us apart.

Sucess and failure.

It begins all withthe mindset.

I will do my best.

K. Done with chem.

Now, let’s talk about love. ( Fertilisation of gamates to get a zygote la! Don’t anyhow think!)

BIO target: S

It’s just round the corner. I have yet to start maths and economics revision. I’m done with chem, but it seems I’m not exacly ready for it.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m afraid that I will be kicked out of CJ. It’s not about the retaining. It’s about you knowing you did not do your best during revision and getting kicked out because of your laziness. You have the potential, yet you choose to just give it up and think JC life is a breeze.

I’m afraid that I might let my teachers down. They have motivated me, encouraged me, taught me well, but I chose not to listen, pay attention, be grateful for that. It’s a wrong decision that I have made: To go through all these all on my own. They are always there for me, yet I chose to cast them aside and think I’m oh so great and can do it without the help of teachers.

Miss Ma’s countless times of explaining just one question, yet I chose to be unresponsive and afraid to speak up, despite her being so willing to help me. Miss Lee’s extra lessons, class homework, morning mini-tests. I decided to just fuck them and do it on my own, leaving maths aside and just concentrating on my other subjects. Wang laoshi, who once believed in me, but I chose to be all proud and neglect my chinese, and now it’s deproving like hell.

It’s all these wrong choices I’ve made that made me land in this situation now.

But it’s too late to finally realise that I’ve been doing the wrong things for so damn long. One whole year.

I’m willing to change now, but there’s no oppotunities left for me to do so.

All I can hope is to let me promote to J2. I promise, all these teacher’s teachings will never ever go to waste again.

I put my life on it, as I swear…

.

.

I don’t want to let my teachers down.I really don’t want to.

Please, give me another chance…

Too many sentences starting with I. I may have sounded/acted really self-centered today. That’s the last thing I want to be.

Ionic equilibria was shitty. Don’t even know how to do a single question.

Emo since 2pm.

Today’s the worst day ever.

I’m so not happy with myself.

ARGH! Stop starting sentences with I!